It was tucked among the rest of the bills and flyers — a plain white envelope addressed to The U M Reporter. There was no return address or an indication of where it originated beyond the postmark. I opened it carefully and found a single sheet of paper filled with typed words. Earlier this year we had published a story about a UM pastor who was moving to a position at a general agency. The writer of the letter apparently didn’t feel that was a good thing, for the letter outlined various complaints and concerns about this minister in their practice of ministry in the church at which they were currently serving. However, like the envelope, the letter had no signature and no identifying information that might allow for a followup conversation. It was an anonymous venting of frustrations about the state of their church, filled with hurt and pain, but with an unwillingness to take responsibility for their accusations.
This isn’t the first letter of this type I’ve received. The circumstances change, but it’s not unusual for someone to write anonymously to complain of various things. It happens every day on the this site in the comments section with people who offer critique but are unwilling to attach their real identity to their complaints. For some reason people think it is perfectly acceptable, and maybe even desirable to offer biting and harsh critique without providing the means to be held accountable for their opinions.
These letters are not unique to UMR, in fact I would imagine that many of you who are serving in church leadership have received them in the past. Sometimes they come to the SPRC/PPRC or sometimes they come directly to the pastor, but without doubt they share some perceived failing on the part of the leader. The letter I received this week outlined many of the concerns I’ve seen over the years — the church was spending too much money, people are leaving the church, the pastor isn’t responsive to the needs of the congregation — the complaints are endless and predictable. More often than not they reflect concerns that the church is changing, that it isn’t the way it used to be, and the pastor must be the reason we are struggling.
These concerns aren’t unjustified, in fact many of them probably may have some germ of truth. However, the unwillingness of these letter writers to take responsibility for their accusations means that we never truly address the concerns because we can’t enter into the needed conversation required for true discernment. There may be reasons for the budget struggles. People may indeed be leaving the church. But until leaders can talk openly and honestly with one another about these struggles, working cooperatively to get to the core issues at hand, there is rarely much chance of resolution. Instead, we call each other names and throw bottles, which makes me wonder if we really WANT a solution, or if we’d rather just have something to complain about.
It seems to me the healthy, adult, Christian means of addressing conflict and concern is not to send anonymous letters, but to call up the one who is or has offended us for a conversation about our concerns. In fact, I think Jesus made a similar suggestion to his disciples as reflected in Matthew 18. Jesus knew that true reconciliation requires engagement.
The truth is that plain white envelopes rarely contain love and grace. No, more often than not they contain fear — the fear of being exposed, the fear of being challenged, and the fear of being held responsible for our beliefs.
The other truth is that they rarely accomplish anything significant, for in failing to attach a person to the complaint, in leads to the recipient disregarding the complaint entirely. After all, how can I know what to believe when I don’t really know anything about where it comes from?
And so, the plain white envelope ends up again mixed in with the flyers and handbills — in the recycling bin.
Well then it isn’t a total waste of the paper.
The Rev. Jay Voorhees is the Executive Editor of The United Methodist Reporter and a managing partner of CircuitWriter Media LLC which operates this site and MethoBlog.com. In addition Jay is the pastor of the Old Hickory United Methodist Church located in Northeast Nashville. Jay has also written on life and the practice of faith in The United Methodist Church at Only Wonder Understands since 2003
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